Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Definitely Not Learn German!

1) The Germans don’t want to talk German to you anyways – the majority

Ask any American, Aussie or Kiwi who has lived in Germany: As soon as the Germans hear that you are a native English speaker, they will be so keen on practicing their English that you will barely have a chance to have any conversation in German. Even if you approach them in German – they will reply in English.

2) The Germans that will talk German to you – a dangerous minority

There is a small minority of Germans that will talk German to you. However, once you find one of those German exhibits, it is very likely that they will not rest until you have perfected every tiny detail and obscurity of German grammar, sentence structure. They will probably also push you to be at least fluent in 10 of Germany’s regional dialects. So think twice about disclosing your interest in learning German to those folks.

3) The Pope & the Champions League

The pope is no longer a native German speaker (if I understand the news right it should be someone from South America right now) so there is not need to learn German in order to talk to the Pope. On the other hand, judging from the current Champions League, I would presume that a German soccer player should be the next world-soccer player of the year. However, I feel it might be Bastian Schweinsteiger who is from upper Bavaria, and thus, will not be able to communicate with you in a proper standard German way.

4) The ultimate German dialect: Kölsch

You will not learn what really matters in a class. My own research indicates that a vast majority of Germans and German residents agree that the regional dialect of the great City of Cologne (City: «Köln»; dialect: «Kölsch»; regional beer: «Kölsch») is the most desirable and fun of way of talking German. However, you cannot learn Kölsch from a book, but you will have to actually come down hang out with the local crowd.

5) German is too difficult anyways

The last and obvious point is: German is just too difficult to learn. If you disagree, please let me know and will post my next blog entry in proper «Amtsdeutsch» and have you guys translate it.

I am not sure if I might have missed some points. Please feel free to let me know and maybe we can continue the list.

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